This blog space has been empty for a long time. No excuses. I'm happy to say that much of the last 12 years has been spent with us doing activities together, but even that isn't as much time as either of us wanted (this is my fault, not yours).
When I left this blog, I had just met you. This is on or about the first day we met:
The truth is, when I was updating this blog, I didn't yet know you. I am sorry I didn't capture the learnings a little bit along the way but, if there is any benefit to doing it this way, it is the fact that I get to look back on watching you grow into the young woman you are - something unique for both you and me! This is you just a few weeks ago - pretending to like my cooking even though I made it just a bit too spicy for your taste:
If the first 4 years of this blog were written as a sort of description of my learning to be a dad, this section might be best described as me sharing what I love about being your Dad now that I have had the chance to be yours for a while. I am grateful every day for the gift of you in my life, and I would like to let you know a few specific things that always make me laugh and cry at the same time :).
YOU. ARE. FIERCE.
This may not always feel like it's true inside. Feelings can sway what is happening inside at any given moment, but if feelings are the weather, your fierceness is your climate. It's your long-term core state. Please do not take this to suggest you are mean; that has never been true. Fierceness is not cruelty but instead, "a quality characterized by intensity, strength and often a wild, untamed nature..."
The picture below was my screen saver on my desktop for my computer for years after it was taken not only because you're cute as heck but also because it gave ME strength when I was feeling down or afraid. Your strength and certainty still give me strength every day and nothing will ever erase from my memory the day you looked at me and said,
"You know what? I LOVE being me!"
Yeah, girl. Always bring that energy, every day of your life!
You are Coooooooool
Sure. Every parent loves their kids. But you...YOU? You are coooool. "Cool" is sort of hard to define, but a person knows it when they see it. For you, it's sort of effortless. When you aren't busy being fierce, you are a cross between an acrobat and a rock star. You are sure-footed, relatively fearless when in your element, and you are quick to be reassuring to others when they feel uncertain. This is not something you can buy, practice, or even learn. A person has to have it and, My girl, you have it.
When you go through something hard (like every time your Mom has nursed you through a sickness), you stay cool...even when you don't feel cool.
When you choose to learn to snowboard a bit because it's a little bit more like what Dad does. Inherently, that is cool (because snowboarding is so much cooooooler than skiing, amIrite?)
When, instead of flashy birthday parties and presents, all you want to do is your own, wild things...running around outside, setting your "goals" for jumping on the trampoline or learning 12 new languages...that is the true definition of cooooool.
When, given the choice for a fun afternoon with Dad, you decide you want to dress up in a princess dress and tour fancy ice cream parlours and parks in the city....there was NO cooler person than YOU!
There is no one I know who has the cool and attention necessary to just learn something from watching someone else do the thing, but I have watched you pick up kung fu, snowboarding, piano, guitar, and countless other skills and abilities just from seeing them...and seeing yourself IN them. You connect, and in so doing, you grow. When you decide something, the fire within you makes your will come true. I am proud of you and how you show up to every moment.
You Are the Miracle of My Life
Going back to your fierceness, you fought hard to come into this world and you made sure everyone heard you arrive. While I am sort of intolerant of loud noises by nature, there was nothing that made my heart leap for joy more than the sound of your first cries in this world! The terrible few seconds before that cry were the most frightening I have ever lived through and, even today, the miracle of your first few breaths always brings tears to my eyes (but, since I am so macho, I try to keep them to myself most of the time ;)).
I love being your Dad. I have loved being your Dad for these 12 years and, as long as I live there won't be anything I love more than walking alongside you feeling that fire inside you grow bigger and more brilliant every day.
I love you. Happy Birthday. More blogs to come!
