I just spent a few hours trying to write a post trying to explain the last ten years to you. It was getting too long and self important. So, to make things easier, I am going to share with you the three things that I learned from the past ten years. Enjoy :)
1) It's more important to be thankful for what you have than to have lots of things.
2) Your family loves you even if you don't call very often. But you should still call more often.
3) Washing your hands and flossing regularly will keep you out of the doctor's office.
There's lots of other stuff that went on in the decade that we are putting in the can tonight, but I'll cover them as they come up.
And that's about it. Happy New Year, baby. Here's to Generation A!
Love, Dad.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Ok...Act Surprised...
Look...I am gonna give it to you straight...
You have a SHITload of clothes waiting for you here on the outside!
I don't know what happened, but you mother has become a baby-jumper-buying maniac! I'm a little worried for her feelings when you get out here and become capable of articulating that you want a Metallica T-shirt. Don't worry...I'll back you up, but we have to have a plan to make Mom think you like this stuff.
The following is my guide to prepare you for what is sure to be a long life of navigating the dangerous waters of difference between your Mother's fashion taste and your own*:
1) Act Surprised.
Your Mom made you a closet today. You now officially have more closet space than I do. You have all sorts of clothes...dresses, hoodies, booties, hats, scarves, a Prada clutch... You have a damned good wardrobe already. Don't tell her I told you, but act surprised when you see them. (I liked the little sweater with the different colors on it. Very "Grunge Rocker."
2) Make a big deal about the buttons.
Your Mom is bananas over any item of clothing that has buttons on it. Or pockets. Seriously. She breaks out in little assholes and shits all over. Bonkers. She loves them. Every time she shows me a new item of your clothing, she is all squeally and says, "look at the little BUTTONS." Your "crazy uncle" Scott** thinks that it's because the Dutch spend most of their time relatively naked and so buttons are a kind of novelty to them. I actually think it's because buttons and pockets are small and, right now, your Mommy's head is programmed to regard all small things as "cute." I will explain our species in a later post, but I think humans developed this way so we would keep taking care of you even if you cry a lot.
3) Let her do a baby fashion show
As a child of mine, I know that you will like to be in the spotlight if and ONLY IF it's on your terms. Otherwise, you are likely to be a bit shy about the whole thing. The fact of the matter is, though, that your Mother is going to want to show off how cute these little clothes look on you. Take this in stride and smile for the camera. People may make odd sounds, but that's just because they may not know how to talk to you like your Mom or I do. Just smile a lot and don't worry about the various baby talk jibber jabber. If you really feel like you have had enough, simply poop your pants and the show will end. (In fact, you can almost be guaranteed that this will ALWAYS get you out of uncomfortable social situations...though it could create different ones as you begin to age.)
That's pretty much it. When you want to come out, we have you covered. Just...don't let on that I told you. That really pushes your Mom's buttons.***
* If you wind up being a girl, that is. If you wind up being a boy, you will likely be satisfied with her buying your tighty-whities well into your university years...if you decide you want to go to university. No pressure.
** No relation to me, baby, so fear not. I will explain about the "crazy aunt and uncle" phenomenon in a later post.
*** Yes. As an official "father," I am destined to make awful pun-filled jokes for the rest of my days. Not only do I know this, I am actually looking forward to embarrassing you in front of your friends with it when you are about 13. It will be payback for me having to tell your Mom how "cute" these clothes are.
You have a SHITload of clothes waiting for you here on the outside!
I don't know what happened, but you mother has become a baby-jumper-buying maniac! I'm a little worried for her feelings when you get out here and become capable of articulating that you want a Metallica T-shirt. Don't worry...I'll back you up, but we have to have a plan to make Mom think you like this stuff.
The following is my guide to prepare you for what is sure to be a long life of navigating the dangerous waters of difference between your Mother's fashion taste and your own*:
1) Act Surprised.
Your Mom made you a closet today. You now officially have more closet space than I do. You have all sorts of clothes...dresses, hoodies, booties, hats, scarves, a Prada clutch... You have a damned good wardrobe already. Don't tell her I told you, but act surprised when you see them. (I liked the little sweater with the different colors on it. Very "Grunge Rocker."
2) Make a big deal about the buttons.
Your Mom is bananas over any item of clothing that has buttons on it. Or pockets. Seriously. She breaks out in little assholes and shits all over. Bonkers. She loves them. Every time she shows me a new item of your clothing, she is all squeally and says, "look at the little BUTTONS." Your "crazy uncle" Scott** thinks that it's because the Dutch spend most of their time relatively naked and so buttons are a kind of novelty to them. I actually think it's because buttons and pockets are small and, right now, your Mommy's head is programmed to regard all small things as "cute." I will explain our species in a later post, but I think humans developed this way so we would keep taking care of you even if you cry a lot.
3) Let her do a baby fashion show
As a child of mine, I know that you will like to be in the spotlight if and ONLY IF it's on your terms. Otherwise, you are likely to be a bit shy about the whole thing. The fact of the matter is, though, that your Mother is going to want to show off how cute these little clothes look on you. Take this in stride and smile for the camera. People may make odd sounds, but that's just because they may not know how to talk to you like your Mom or I do. Just smile a lot and don't worry about the various baby talk jibber jabber. If you really feel like you have had enough, simply poop your pants and the show will end. (In fact, you can almost be guaranteed that this will ALWAYS get you out of uncomfortable social situations...though it could create different ones as you begin to age.)
That's pretty much it. When you want to come out, we have you covered. Just...don't let on that I told you. That really pushes your Mom's buttons.***
* If you wind up being a girl, that is. If you wind up being a boy, you will likely be satisfied with her buying your tighty-whities well into your university years...if you decide you want to go to university. No pressure.
** No relation to me, baby, so fear not. I will explain about the "crazy aunt and uncle" phenomenon in a later post.
*** Yes. As an official "father," I am destined to make awful pun-filled jokes for the rest of my days. Not only do I know this, I am actually looking forward to embarrassing you in front of your friends with it when you are about 13. It will be payback for me having to tell your Mom how "cute" these clothes are.
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Merry Sinterklass!
In Canada, it is Christmas Eve today. I would just like you to know that all of the mistletoe, presents, and goodies that come along with Canadian Christmas are peanuts when compared to the crazy things that go on in the Netherlands.
Christmas is a mixture of a lot of different celebrations. What you need to know is that, for Canadian boys and girls, Christmas is about waiting for Santa Claus to pass judgement on a whole year of their behavior.
The breakdown is pretty simple: if you were good* for the majority of the year (because, let's face it...it's even hard for Daddies to be good for the whole year), then you get wonderful presents that you asked for in advance. If you were bad for the majority of the year, however, you receive a lump of coal**.
Now...things are not so simple in The Netherlands. You see, Canadian children are misled because we are told that Santa goes around from the North Pole and delivers gifts according to goodness or badness to the entire world in one night. It would seem that we were not told the whole story!
In Holland***, the "mixture" of holidays isn't quite as mixed. There are two separate present-giving holidays that span several days. So, if we are looking simply at the gross payload for the season, the Dutch way is the way to go!
For the Dutch, the whole thing starts at the beginning of the month of December. Why? Because it turns out Santa starts his trip just before his birthday. This makes sense...why wouldn't Santa want to get some presents too?
In Holland, Santa Claus is called Sinterklaas and his birthday is on December 6th. This is your Mom as a little girl with Sinterklaas:
There, they think that Santa leaves with a whole cadre of helpers and horses from Spain^ on a steamboat at the beginning of December. He and his chimney-sweep helpers called "Black Petes" come to town a few days before his birthday to collect gifts from hopeful kids. The deal is that you leave a drawing or a present for Sinterklaas in your shoe by the chimney (along with carrots, water or hay for the horse), and Sinterklaas will leave all sorts of candies and toys in your shoes for you to enjoy when you wake up in the morning. You can do this as many times as your parents let you get away with it before the 6th, which is the BIG night. On the 6th, you can expect Black Pete and the boys to drop off all sorts of presents for good boys and girls.
BAD Dutch boys and girls (unlike Canadians who might get something useful like coal) actually have something to worry about. If you were bad for most of the year, Black Pete will snatch you up in his sack and, depending on the severity of your naughtiness, could wind up BEATING you with his roe which, I'm told, is a very nasty bundle of wicker-like sticks. I hear they sting, so watch out!
If you happen to survive this part of the season, then you can look forward to even MORE presents! Why? Because when Santa makes his official Christmas rounds on the 25th of December, he is SO generous to Holland that he gives you presents for TWO days. TWO. WHOLE. DAYS.
So, for the Dutch, the month of December is a veritable present-fest! True, there is the possibility for terrible kidnapping and harm at the hands of a rough-and-tumble chimney sweep if you get out of line, but you can avoid that by just being GOOD! Wow! In return for all the presents you can get, who wouldn't wanna try to be on the good side for most of the year?? I think that you and I should try to convince all your aunts and uncles and grandparents to come to Holland once a year for the good times!
And don't worry. Santa may have Black Pete in Holland, but I have a Black Belt, so no one will be beating you with any roen.
Love and Merry Christmas,
Dad.
* I never could figure out what the definitions of "good" or "bad" were. Thinking about it as an adult, I would have to guess that parents sort of just reported their childrens' behaviors to a hotline set up by Santa Claus so that he could prepare accordingly. Another mystery, I suppose.
** I think that the "bad" gift must have changed over time. I can imagine that, back in the day, some children would be overjoyed to receive a lump of coal. If enough of one's brothers and sisters were "bad" through the year, the family would have enough coal to heat their homes for another day! Yes...the "bad" gift might have been, at one point, a useless toy or something.
*** Which I will now incorrectly use to refer to the WHOLE of the Netherlands.
^ I don't get it either. Ask your Mom to explain why he's in Spain to begin with. Maybe ask why he thinks a steamboat is a good way to get around continental Europe. Flying reindeer would be WAY easier.
^^ Wooden or otherwise.
Christmas is a mixture of a lot of different celebrations. What you need to know is that, for Canadian boys and girls, Christmas is about waiting for Santa Claus to pass judgement on a whole year of their behavior.
The breakdown is pretty simple: if you were good* for the majority of the year (because, let's face it...it's even hard for Daddies to be good for the whole year), then you get wonderful presents that you asked for in advance. If you were bad for the majority of the year, however, you receive a lump of coal**.
Now...things are not so simple in The Netherlands. You see, Canadian children are misled because we are told that Santa goes around from the North Pole and delivers gifts according to goodness or badness to the entire world in one night. It would seem that we were not told the whole story!
In Holland***, the "mixture" of holidays isn't quite as mixed. There are two separate present-giving holidays that span several days. So, if we are looking simply at the gross payload for the season, the Dutch way is the way to go!
For the Dutch, the whole thing starts at the beginning of the month of December. Why? Because it turns out Santa starts his trip just before his birthday. This makes sense...why wouldn't Santa want to get some presents too?
In Holland, Santa Claus is called Sinterklaas and his birthday is on December 6th. This is your Mom as a little girl with Sinterklaas:
There, they think that Santa leaves with a whole cadre of helpers and horses from Spain^ on a steamboat at the beginning of December. He and his chimney-sweep helpers called "Black Petes" come to town a few days before his birthday to collect gifts from hopeful kids. The deal is that you leave a drawing or a present for Sinterklaas in your shoe by the chimney (along with carrots, water or hay for the horse), and Sinterklaas will leave all sorts of candies and toys in your shoes for you to enjoy when you wake up in the morning. You can do this as many times as your parents let you get away with it before the 6th, which is the BIG night. On the 6th, you can expect Black Pete and the boys to drop off all sorts of presents for good boys and girls.
BAD Dutch boys and girls (unlike Canadians who might get something useful like coal) actually have something to worry about. If you were bad for most of the year, Black Pete will snatch you up in his sack and, depending on the severity of your naughtiness, could wind up BEATING you with his roe which, I'm told, is a very nasty bundle of wicker-like sticks. I hear they sting, so watch out!
If you happen to survive this part of the season, then you can look forward to even MORE presents! Why? Because when Santa makes his official Christmas rounds on the 25th of December, he is SO generous to Holland that he gives you presents for TWO days. TWO. WHOLE. DAYS.
So, for the Dutch, the month of December is a veritable present-fest! True, there is the possibility for terrible kidnapping and harm at the hands of a rough-and-tumble chimney sweep if you get out of line, but you can avoid that by just being GOOD! Wow! In return for all the presents you can get, who wouldn't wanna try to be on the good side for most of the year?? I think that you and I should try to convince all your aunts and uncles and grandparents to come to Holland once a year for the good times!
And don't worry. Santa may have Black Pete in Holland, but I have a Black Belt, so no one will be beating you with any roen.
Love and Merry Christmas,
Dad.
* I never could figure out what the definitions of "good" or "bad" were. Thinking about it as an adult, I would have to guess that parents sort of just reported their childrens' behaviors to a hotline set up by Santa Claus so that he could prepare accordingly. Another mystery, I suppose.
** I think that the "bad" gift must have changed over time. I can imagine that, back in the day, some children would be overjoyed to receive a lump of coal. If enough of one's brothers and sisters were "bad" through the year, the family would have enough coal to heat their homes for another day! Yes...the "bad" gift might have been, at one point, a useless toy or something.
*** Which I will now incorrectly use to refer to the WHOLE of the Netherlands.
^ I don't get it either. Ask your Mom to explain why he's in Spain to begin with. Maybe ask why he thinks a steamboat is a good way to get around continental Europe. Flying reindeer would be WAY easier.
^^ Wooden or otherwise.
Sunday, December 20, 2009
You're a star, baby, a star!
One of the things I can't wait to do with you is look at the stars. When I was little, my Dad (Grandpa Neil) bought me a star chart that let me make sense of all the things that were going on in the heavens. We lived in a pretty small town that didn't have a lot of light pollution so it was easy to go outside on almost any night and see all sorts of wonderful things.
Even now, I look up at the night sky sometimes and wonder what's going on all the way out there. Most of the time I imagine that it's lonely out there...no one to talk to or play with...but sometimes I imagine that there are people looking out at me and wondering the same thing. I wish I could talk to them and see things from their point of view.
I am writing this because I just found a cool tool on Google Earth that lets me look at all the satellite imagery that we currently have of the sky. It's odd because, unlike when you are looking at the globe in Google Earth, looking at the sky is like being INSIDE the globe instead. All the pictures they have of all the billions and billions of stars made me literally sit here with my mouth open.
I can't believe all the billions of things I will never know or see. I love that you and I will get to be together for a little while and see some of those things for the first time together. By the time you can read this, there will likely be something way cooler than Google Earth to play with on your computer, but there won't ever be anything cooler than looking at the sky with your Dad.
Trust me on that.
I love you. Good night.
S
Even now, I look up at the night sky sometimes and wonder what's going on all the way out there. Most of the time I imagine that it's lonely out there...no one to talk to or play with...but sometimes I imagine that there are people looking out at me and wondering the same thing. I wish I could talk to them and see things from their point of view.
I am writing this because I just found a cool tool on Google Earth that lets me look at all the satellite imagery that we currently have of the sky. It's odd because, unlike when you are looking at the globe in Google Earth, looking at the sky is like being INSIDE the globe instead. All the pictures they have of all the billions and billions of stars made me literally sit here with my mouth open.
I can't believe all the billions of things I will never know or see. I love that you and I will get to be together for a little while and see some of those things for the first time together. By the time you can read this, there will likely be something way cooler than Google Earth to play with on your computer, but there won't ever be anything cooler than looking at the sky with your Dad.
Trust me on that.
I love you. Good night.
S
Where do you come from? Part I
This will be as much a time capsule for me as it will be for you. This is the first in a series where I try to show you all of the things that have come together to make you YOU. I guess you could say that everything I am writing in this blog will be about things that set the stage for you, but I want you to be able to look at this later and see what was going on in the world while you were in the oven*.
Since where you come from is mostly up to who your parents** are, I am going to tell you about where your parents are from. Since your parents aren't from the same place, I will tell you what I know about your Mommy's place first. That way, you and she can laugh at how little I know about this place and have some fun together.
Your Mom is from The Netherlands. This is what The Netherlands look like:
By the time you are able to read this, you will likely have been to The Netherlands as many times as I have in my life because I have never been there before and the first time I ever go there will be with you and your Mom to meet all of her family and friends. It will probably be fun for us to look back and see how little I knew about this place before you were born, so I thought I would share my "Top Ten Things I Know About The Netherlands Without Ever Having Been There!"
10) People call The Netherlands "Holland" most of the time. This isn't totally accurate since Holland is just one part of the whole country. This would be like calling all of Canada "Ontario."
9) People in The Netherlands officially speak Dutch. The Dutch word for "Dutch" is "Nederlands."
8) The Dutch people actively promote cultural stereotypes that are no longer really true of everyday life in The Netherlands. I think it's mostly a ploy to make a buck off foreigners who feel they need to stock up on wooden footwear and tulips when they visit the country.
7) Much to their chagrin (and despite their wooden-shoed efforts to distract us), the rest of the world consider The Netherlands the best place to legally get high. I don't know why this is the case since the biggest court in the world is just down the road in Den Haag.
6) The Dutch love Canadians. Why? Well, seventy years ago, a bad Austrian man's army took over The Netherlands and was mean to the people there. The Americans and the British tried to help the Dutch but couldn't do it at the time. After about a year of trying, the Canadian soldiers got rid of the remaining enemy soldiers and brought the Dutch people food and aid. Today, this translates at LEAST into one free beer for Canadian tourists in Eindhoven.
YOU, my dear, have the benefit of being BOTH Dutch and Canadian, so I'm sure you can get two free beers!
5) In case your mother, grandparents, and various "crazy" aunts and uncles are concerned that I am promoting the delinquency of a minor, Dutch governments are much looser than Canadian governments with regard to when you can drink. It looks like you could get that free beer as early as your sixteenth birthday in Amsterdam. It's a good thing, too, because you can't DRIVE there until you have gotten drinking outta your system by at least two years. Bottoms up!
4) Every country has a "Newfoundland." Newfoundland is the part of Canada that the rest of Canadians like to make fun of. For Germans, it's Bavaria. For Americans, it's Oklahoma and Arkansas. When I asked your mother which part of The Netherlands is the "Newfoundland," she said she wasn't sure. That means, of course, that HER PART of the Netherlands is the Newfoundland.
3) If you ever want something from your Mother or from Grandma Marjo, offer them some black-licorice medallions (called "Dropje" and pronounced "Drop-ya") from the Dutch Bakery. Dutch people are traditionally addicted to black-licorice. You will immediately receive whatever it is that you are asking for. Trust me.
2) In The Netherlands, it is customary to make traditionally round foods smaller than normal. Small ginger-snap cookies are thus made into delightful and bite-sized morsels called "pepernoten." Also, traditional pancakes are made into small, Loonie-sized sweetums called "poffertjes." In short, I can't wait to see what they do with Pizza!
1) And the single best thing I have learned so far about The Netherlands without having been there is that they made your Mom and she is awesome! She makes me lots of poffertjes and has an adorable accent that I never could place. She says she loves me because I am kind and loving, but I think it's because I'm Canadian. Oh well...off to drink some of my free beer!
I hope you had fun with this. There will be other entries in this series but I'll try to keep the boring history stuff to a minimum.
Love, Dad.
* (This is for when you are in university) The technical term for this is the Sociological Imagination.
** If you can understand this blog, then you are likely already aware of the nuts and bolts of HOW you were actually made. However, if you aren't TOTALLY sure, come talk to me and I will fill you in.
Since where you come from is mostly up to who your parents** are, I am going to tell you about where your parents are from. Since your parents aren't from the same place, I will tell you what I know about your Mommy's place first. That way, you and she can laugh at how little I know about this place and have some fun together.
Your Mom is from The Netherlands. This is what The Netherlands look like:
By the time you are able to read this, you will likely have been to The Netherlands as many times as I have in my life because I have never been there before and the first time I ever go there will be with you and your Mom to meet all of her family and friends. It will probably be fun for us to look back and see how little I knew about this place before you were born, so I thought I would share my "Top Ten Things I Know About The Netherlands Without Ever Having Been There!"
10) People call The Netherlands "Holland" most of the time. This isn't totally accurate since Holland is just one part of the whole country. This would be like calling all of Canada "Ontario."
9) People in The Netherlands officially speak Dutch. The Dutch word for "Dutch" is "Nederlands."
8) The Dutch people actively promote cultural stereotypes that are no longer really true of everyday life in The Netherlands. I think it's mostly a ploy to make a buck off foreigners who feel they need to stock up on wooden footwear and tulips when they visit the country.
7) Much to their chagrin (and despite their wooden-shoed efforts to distract us), the rest of the world consider The Netherlands the best place to legally get high. I don't know why this is the case since the biggest court in the world is just down the road in Den Haag.
6) The Dutch love Canadians. Why? Well, seventy years ago, a bad Austrian man's army took over The Netherlands and was mean to the people there. The Americans and the British tried to help the Dutch but couldn't do it at the time. After about a year of trying, the Canadian soldiers got rid of the remaining enemy soldiers and brought the Dutch people food and aid. Today, this translates at LEAST into one free beer for Canadian tourists in Eindhoven.
YOU, my dear, have the benefit of being BOTH Dutch and Canadian, so I'm sure you can get two free beers!
5) In case your mother, grandparents, and various "crazy" aunts and uncles are concerned that I am promoting the delinquency of a minor, Dutch governments are much looser than Canadian governments with regard to when you can drink. It looks like you could get that free beer as early as your sixteenth birthday in Amsterdam. It's a good thing, too, because you can't DRIVE there until you have gotten drinking outta your system by at least two years. Bottoms up!
4) Every country has a "Newfoundland." Newfoundland is the part of Canada that the rest of Canadians like to make fun of. For Germans, it's Bavaria. For Americans, it's Oklahoma and Arkansas. When I asked your mother which part of The Netherlands is the "Newfoundland," she said she wasn't sure. That means, of course, that HER PART of the Netherlands is the Newfoundland.
3) If you ever want something from your Mother or from Grandma Marjo, offer them some black-licorice medallions (called "Dropje" and pronounced "Drop-ya") from the Dutch Bakery. Dutch people are traditionally addicted to black-licorice. You will immediately receive whatever it is that you are asking for. Trust me.
2) In The Netherlands, it is customary to make traditionally round foods smaller than normal. Small ginger-snap cookies are thus made into delightful and bite-sized morsels called "pepernoten." Also, traditional pancakes are made into small, Loonie-sized sweetums called "poffertjes." In short, I can't wait to see what they do with Pizza!
1) And the single best thing I have learned so far about The Netherlands without having been there is that they made your Mom and she is awesome! She makes me lots of poffertjes and has an adorable accent that I never could place. She says she loves me because I am kind and loving, but I think it's because I'm Canadian. Oh well...off to drink some of my free beer!
I hope you had fun with this. There will be other entries in this series but I'll try to keep the boring history stuff to a minimum.
Love, Dad.
* (This is for when you are in university) The technical term for this is the Sociological Imagination.
** If you can understand this blog, then you are likely already aware of the nuts and bolts of HOW you were actually made. However, if you aren't TOTALLY sure, come talk to me and I will fill you in.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
This is your Grandma Kat
I'd like to introduce you to someone*. This is one of your Grandmothers. Her name is Kathleen, though she tends to go by "Kat."
Today is her birthday (though she will give me a heck of a lickin' if I tell you which one) and I thought it would be a good day to tell you a little about her.
Grandma Kat lives far away, so that means you will most likely get to see her in the summer times when we can go visit for a long time. But I will tell you this: it will always be worth the trip. Why? Well see Grandma Kat is just as excited about you coming as we all are, but she is particularly excited to do one thing: spoil you rotten!
Spoiling can take many forms, but all of them involve letting you do stuff that your own parents won't. This particularly patient form of treason is best perpetrated by grandparents of little girls** who have dads who were bad when they were little. Though Grandma Kat will retrospectively reminisce that I "wasn't that bad," she will do this after several minutes of purposeful forgetting of me filling my hair with an entire container of Vaseline and being so mad at me that she called me an "asshole."***
So, when we go to Saskatchewan to visit, you will be the guest of honor. Candy, ice cream, pony rides****, you NAME it...Grandma Kat and Grandpa Brian will be excited^ to get it for you. And though they will be doing it in love for you, they will also be doing it to really enjoy watching me work just a BIT harder when I have to be the one to let the air out of the balloon and send you to bed.
That having been said, Grandma Kat will be a great Grandma for other reasons. For one thing, she is smart and doesn't give up. I have known her for a lot of years and I have never ceased to be impressed by her ability to stick things out when the going got hard. Another reason is that, if she lets herself, she can forget all that hard stuff and just have fun. The biggest reason that she will be great, though, is because she knows that the most important thing a Mom can do for her children is to be there for them...when they are sick in the hospital, being bullied at school, feeling sad about a loss, or just needing a ride home for a party. My Mom used to tell me that she would never stop being a Mom...and she never has.
And now, she will never stop being your Grandmother.
Lucky kid.
Now brush your teeth and go to bed. You ain't at Grandma's yet.
Love, Dad
* Your other Grandmother, Marjo, had a birthday recently too. She is quite a lovely person too. I don't know her as well as your Mom does, though, so I am going to let your Mom introduce her to you later. It's only fair. :)
** We are, like, 90% sure you are a girl...but I don't want to offend you if we wind up being 100% wrong.
*** To be fair, I can BE an asshole from time to time, so I won't be too surprised when YOU call me that too.
**** I can't back this up. Mom, to the best of my knowledge, owns no ponies.
^ And just to be clear to Grandpa Neil, Grandma Daphne, Big Grandma and Grandpa, Grandpa Stan, and Grandma Marjo - We know you will want to spoil her too. This blog just happens to be about Grandma Kat and Grandpa Brian on G.K.'s birthday.
Today is her birthday (though she will give me a heck of a lickin' if I tell you which one) and I thought it would be a good day to tell you a little about her.
Grandma Kat lives far away, so that means you will most likely get to see her in the summer times when we can go visit for a long time. But I will tell you this: it will always be worth the trip. Why? Well see Grandma Kat is just as excited about you coming as we all are, but she is particularly excited to do one thing: spoil you rotten!
Spoiling can take many forms, but all of them involve letting you do stuff that your own parents won't. This particularly patient form of treason is best perpetrated by grandparents of little girls** who have dads who were bad when they were little. Though Grandma Kat will retrospectively reminisce that I "wasn't that bad," she will do this after several minutes of purposeful forgetting of me filling my hair with an entire container of Vaseline and being so mad at me that she called me an "asshole."***
So, when we go to Saskatchewan to visit, you will be the guest of honor. Candy, ice cream, pony rides****, you NAME it...Grandma Kat and Grandpa Brian will be excited^ to get it for you. And though they will be doing it in love for you, they will also be doing it to really enjoy watching me work just a BIT harder when I have to be the one to let the air out of the balloon and send you to bed.
That having been said, Grandma Kat will be a great Grandma for other reasons. For one thing, she is smart and doesn't give up. I have known her for a lot of years and I have never ceased to be impressed by her ability to stick things out when the going got hard. Another reason is that, if she lets herself, she can forget all that hard stuff and just have fun. The biggest reason that she will be great, though, is because she knows that the most important thing a Mom can do for her children is to be there for them...when they are sick in the hospital, being bullied at school, feeling sad about a loss, or just needing a ride home for a party. My Mom used to tell me that she would never stop being a Mom...and she never has.
And now, she will never stop being your Grandmother.
Lucky kid.
Now brush your teeth and go to bed. You ain't at Grandma's yet.
Love, Dad
* Your other Grandmother, Marjo, had a birthday recently too. She is quite a lovely person too. I don't know her as well as your Mom does, though, so I am going to let your Mom introduce her to you later. It's only fair. :)
** We are, like, 90% sure you are a girl...but I don't want to offend you if we wind up being 100% wrong.
*** To be fair, I can BE an asshole from time to time, so I won't be too surprised when YOU call me that too.
**** I can't back this up. Mom, to the best of my knowledge, owns no ponies.
^ And just to be clear to Grandpa Neil, Grandma Daphne, Big Grandma and Grandpa, Grandpa Stan, and Grandma Marjo - We know you will want to spoil her too. This blog just happens to be about Grandma Kat and Grandpa Brian on G.K.'s birthday.
Monday, December 14, 2009
24 Weeks...
You are close to twenty-four weeks in development now. Mommy told me today that that means you could be born today and stand an 85% chance of living. I would be pretty excited if I got 85% on a Math test or something, but I think I'd like to shoot a bit higher when talking about you making it into the world.
Now, I hope you don't think I'm old-fashioned for this, but I'm still just more comfortable with the good old 99.9% that comes with a full-term pregnancy. Call me stodgy if you must, but I just like those three nines all in a row there...nice and close to "100." Those are the kind of numbers I'm looking for when discussing my baby's survival chances.
I know I have been painting a pretty rosy picture about life out here and that you may be in a hurry but, seriously, you won't ever get a sweeter deal than the one you have right now, so just stay the course and go the distance. I promise to let you use the stroller...sometimes.
Just so we're clear...85%: Good in math; a bit low for survival chances.
Good. Glad to get that off my chest.
Love, D
Now, I hope you don't think I'm old-fashioned for this, but I'm still just more comfortable with the good old 99.9% that comes with a full-term pregnancy. Call me stodgy if you must, but I just like those three nines all in a row there...nice and close to "100." Those are the kind of numbers I'm looking for when discussing my baby's survival chances.
I know I have been painting a pretty rosy picture about life out here and that you may be in a hurry but, seriously, you won't ever get a sweeter deal than the one you have right now, so just stay the course and go the distance. I promise to let you use the stroller...sometimes.
Just so we're clear...85%: Good in math; a bit low for survival chances.
Good. Glad to get that off my chest.
Love, D
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Who are you, anyway?
Hola.
You have been pretty quiet today (so I hear) and not really in need of any advice, so I thought I'd let you know a bit about what I am thinking. See, after we set up fantastic cribs and pop-a-wheelie strollers, there isn't much to do but wait for you to show up and think about...well...you.
Of course you could say that doing all the set up technically counts as "thinking about you" too, but after all the Ikea* furniture is set up, I find myself wondering more philosophical things like "who are you?"
Now, I will be the first to admit that you are a little young for expectations, so don't consider this to be pressure. We will love you completely whether you cure cancer or are just really punctual about "makin' the donuts." So don't think this blog is about wishing you were this profession or that genius.
I just sometimes can't wait to find out what food you will really like or what your favorite color is going to be. I am interested to talk to you about what you thought of some movie or what kind of music you like. Will you like do draw and sing or build stuff with your hands? What kinds of books and activities do you like? I guess what I am saying is that I'm not so worried about what you will become in the world but rather how you will go about becoming what you are**.
By the time you read this, many of my questions will likely be answered. You may even be at a place where you would prefer that I didn't know them or think that I don't care. You may think that I could never hope to understand how complex your thoughts and feelings are right now and you might be right. But I hope that, whenever you do read this, that you know I am interested and would love to try.
Right now, I know what I need to know. You are really tiny and wiggly. You like when we laugh and seem to hate when Mommy sleeps. You are Canadian and Dutch (two of the coolest nationalities, ask anyone). Most importantly, though, you are YOU*** and that's the coolest thing in town!
Love,
Dad.
* Ikea is a monstrous yet affordable housing superstore. It has hip decor that fits almost any budget, but does it in a kinda smug European way. I can only imagine that you are going to love it because you are likely a girl and certainly part European. I just want you to know that I will go if you ask me, but I am going to try to condition you early to think there are monsters there.
** My apologies to Friedrich Nietzsche and The Juliana Hatfield Three for paraphrasing.
*** And by "YOU," I mean a "`Riders Fan" and a "Deadly Black Belt." You know...no pressure.
You have been pretty quiet today (so I hear) and not really in need of any advice, so I thought I'd let you know a bit about what I am thinking. See, after we set up fantastic cribs and pop-a-wheelie strollers, there isn't much to do but wait for you to show up and think about...well...you.
Of course you could say that doing all the set up technically counts as "thinking about you" too, but after all the Ikea* furniture is set up, I find myself wondering more philosophical things like "who are you?"
Now, I will be the first to admit that you are a little young for expectations, so don't consider this to be pressure. We will love you completely whether you cure cancer or are just really punctual about "makin' the donuts." So don't think this blog is about wishing you were this profession or that genius.
I just sometimes can't wait to find out what food you will really like or what your favorite color is going to be. I am interested to talk to you about what you thought of some movie or what kind of music you like. Will you like do draw and sing or build stuff with your hands? What kinds of books and activities do you like? I guess what I am saying is that I'm not so worried about what you will become in the world but rather how you will go about becoming what you are**.
By the time you read this, many of my questions will likely be answered. You may even be at a place where you would prefer that I didn't know them or think that I don't care. You may think that I could never hope to understand how complex your thoughts and feelings are right now and you might be right. But I hope that, whenever you do read this, that you know I am interested and would love to try.
Right now, I know what I need to know. You are really tiny and wiggly. You like when we laugh and seem to hate when Mommy sleeps. You are Canadian and Dutch (two of the coolest nationalities, ask anyone). Most importantly, though, you are YOU*** and that's the coolest thing in town!
Love,
Dad.
* Ikea is a monstrous yet affordable housing superstore. It has hip decor that fits almost any budget, but does it in a kinda smug European way. I can only imagine that you are going to love it because you are likely a girl and certainly part European. I just want you to know that I will go if you ask me, but I am going to try to condition you early to think there are monsters there.
** My apologies to Friedrich Nietzsche and The Juliana Hatfield Three for paraphrasing.
*** And by "YOU," I mean a "`Riders Fan" and a "Deadly Black Belt." You know...no pressure.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
About your Mommy...
This is your Mommy
She's really pretty. She's standing there in a canola field about three kilometers from where Grandma Kat lives*. This picture was taken the week we found out you were coming to join us (so, you are in the picture too, though in a much different way than you are now as you read this)!
Since we found out about that, we have been super happy and we (mostly your Mom) have been doing a lot to get ready to make you comfortable. Today, for instance, Mommy nearly built us a new house!
See, she is really excited about your arrival, so she wanted to get a nice spot ready for your stroller. There wasn't a good spot with the way everything was arranged, but that didn't stop Mommy. One of the first things you will learn about your Mommy, though, is that she really doesn't ever give up - ever. At the end of the day, she got a space ready just under Babu's** cage. Sadly, that meant all the stuff that was previously beneath his cage had to find a new home. And of course that meant cleaning out Mommy's half of the office upstairs (because who ever heard of having a chest in the living room suddenly freed up when there is all sorts of stuff upstairs - in a completely different and unrelated room?). So then Mommy took all of the stuff in her part of the office from upstairs to downstairs so she could make a new office down there with a chest that was formerly beneath Babu's cage.
The new stroller spot is great. And so is the new basement office, downstairs entertainment center, and empty space behind me in this office that will soon contain "baby stuff."***
Is Mommy crazy for doing all of this? I was bugging her before by telling her that she was, but I was just doing that to play with her. It's fun to see how she is doing all sorts of things to get everything just right for you. If ever you don't think so, just take another look up there at the picture, and try to guess what she's thinking about.
I'll bet you can. :)
*Everyone is kinda getting used to their new titles. We will have to ask Grandma Kat if it's alright to call her that, though I know it's really not OK to call her "Kathy." Trust me.
**Babu is a flying poop machine. He is pretty cute, but he poops on all my stuff. If he poops on you, though, he'll be in serious bird trouble.
*** Mommy was, when asked about exactly what baby stuff would soon occupy said space, somewhat tight-lipped. Between you and I, it's possible she doesn't really know for sure but just wants some space there "in case."
She's really pretty. She's standing there in a canola field about three kilometers from where Grandma Kat lives*. This picture was taken the week we found out you were coming to join us (so, you are in the picture too, though in a much different way than you are now as you read this)!
Since we found out about that, we have been super happy and we (mostly your Mom) have been doing a lot to get ready to make you comfortable. Today, for instance, Mommy nearly built us a new house!
See, she is really excited about your arrival, so she wanted to get a nice spot ready for your stroller. There wasn't a good spot with the way everything was arranged, but that didn't stop Mommy. One of the first things you will learn about your Mommy, though, is that she really doesn't ever give up - ever. At the end of the day, she got a space ready just under Babu's** cage. Sadly, that meant all the stuff that was previously beneath his cage had to find a new home. And of course that meant cleaning out Mommy's half of the office upstairs (because who ever heard of having a chest in the living room suddenly freed up when there is all sorts of stuff upstairs - in a completely different and unrelated room?). So then Mommy took all of the stuff in her part of the office from upstairs to downstairs so she could make a new office down there with a chest that was formerly beneath Babu's cage.
The new stroller spot is great. And so is the new basement office, downstairs entertainment center, and empty space behind me in this office that will soon contain "baby stuff."***
Is Mommy crazy for doing all of this? I was bugging her before by telling her that she was, but I was just doing that to play with her. It's fun to see how she is doing all sorts of things to get everything just right for you. If ever you don't think so, just take another look up there at the picture, and try to guess what she's thinking about.
I'll bet you can. :)
*Everyone is kinda getting used to their new titles. We will have to ask Grandma Kat if it's alright to call her that, though I know it's really not OK to call her "Kathy." Trust me.
**Babu is a flying poop machine. He is pretty cute, but he poops on all my stuff. If he poops on you, though, he'll be in serious bird trouble.
*** Mommy was, when asked about exactly what baby stuff would soon occupy said space, somewhat tight-lipped. Between you and I, it's possible she doesn't really know for sure but just wants some space there "in case."
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Simmer down in there!
So...I just felt you kick. This wouldn't be so remarkable if it hadn't been for the fact that you are still inside your mother. The coolest part was that you kicked more when you heard my voice as I spoke in silly voices from the other side of Mommy's tummy. I can tell you are smart as a whip already because when I told you that I loved you through the thin wall separating us, you kicked again. Of course, it could be because it's getting mighty small in there and you just needed to adjust. I understand. I hate cramped spaces myself.
I promise that soon we will have a bigger place for you to sleep. I think I told you about it in the first blog, though, so I won't spend too much time on it here. When you get a bit older, we will get you a bigger room where you can put up posters and stuff...just stay away from Justin Beiber. He's a real dork...and WAY too old for you.
Love, Dad.
I promise that soon we will have a bigger place for you to sleep. I think I told you about it in the first blog, though, so I won't spend too much time on it here. When you get a bit older, we will get you a bigger room where you can put up posters and stuff...just stay away from Justin Beiber. He's a real dork...and WAY too old for you.
Love, Dad.
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Get some sleep
One of the first things that you are going to want to do is get into sleeping through the night. I am just putting this out there early because I know you will be inclined to wake up periodically through the night, but there really is nothing better than sawing a few logs. Right now, I am up WAY past my bedtime and, at 6 a.m., I am going to wish that I'd not watched that rerun of Mallrats tonight.
Since most of your early life will be spent in blissful slumber, we have been collecting quite a few helpful items to make sure you get some Z's. We've got this cool little plushy sheep that plays various lulling sounds for you. It's really soft and cute and, though I am embarrassed to admit it, very nice to sleep with.
We also have this really great crib that is comfy and spacious. Your Mommy thinks that you will be able to use this as a bed for your entire life...like even when you move out...but I won't mind if you think that's a bit creepy. I'll buy you another one later if you prefer not to sleep as an adult in the bed you used to shit.
The coolest sleep-aid of all is one that wouldn't expect: the stroller! This thing is like a sultan's Sedan chair! It's got shocks, adjustable everything, and huge rubber wheels for a ride that is like floating on air. I hate to break it to you, but if I figure out how to get surround sound into that thing, Mommy will have to carry you around a LOT `cause Daddy's usin' the stroller!
So fear not, little sleepyhead...we have you covered. Literally. We bought a bunch of blankets, too. Relax, put up your feet, and have a snooze.
Now I'm going to go catch some Z's of my own. I know you won't be sleeping through the night right away, so I'm gonna have to stock up!
Love,
Dad
Since most of your early life will be spent in blissful slumber, we have been collecting quite a few helpful items to make sure you get some Z's. We've got this cool little plushy sheep that plays various lulling sounds for you. It's really soft and cute and, though I am embarrassed to admit it, very nice to sleep with.
We also have this really great crib that is comfy and spacious. Your Mommy thinks that you will be able to use this as a bed for your entire life...like even when you move out...but I won't mind if you think that's a bit creepy. I'll buy you another one later if you prefer not to sleep as an adult in the bed you used to shit.
The coolest sleep-aid of all is one that wouldn't expect: the stroller! This thing is like a sultan's Sedan chair! It's got shocks, adjustable everything, and huge rubber wheels for a ride that is like floating on air. I hate to break it to you, but if I figure out how to get surround sound into that thing, Mommy will have to carry you around a LOT `cause Daddy's usin' the stroller!
So fear not, little sleepyhead...we have you covered. Literally. We bought a bunch of blankets, too. Relax, put up your feet, and have a snooze.
Now I'm going to go catch some Z's of my own. I know you won't be sleeping through the night right away, so I'm gonna have to stock up!
Love,
Dad
Hey, Baby...(Advice from your Dad)
Hey...baby. Listen up. It's time we got our act together and developed a game plan. I know you aren't even born yet, but let me tell you...it's no good to sit around waiting for things to happen. You have to be proactive, and that means having a plan.
Now, there are a lot of new dads out there who are writing blogs about their shift into fatherhood. This blog is going to be different. This blog isn't going to be about all those crazy feelings of insecurity and apprehension about the world I'm bringing you into. This blog is going to be a repository for important and time-saving bits of information (like how you can get another helping of ice cream when you want it and such.)
Now, chances are you will be just able to ask me when you need help or are unsure about how to do something (just WAIT until we get to shoelaces...whoa!), but this will be a place that I can commit the most important things I know you will want to pore over a few times.
Just so we know who's who and what's what, this is YOU right now:
You are awfully small right now, but you are getting bigger by the day. Pretty soon, you'll be out and about and, before long, you will be able to read all about the best playground toys, which objects you should avoid eating, and how to deliver a devastating kotegaeshi .
But most importantly, I want this blog to be evidence for you that, since the moment I knew you existed, I have loved you and am incredibly excited to be your Dad. I can't wait to know you and laugh with you and show you all the cool stuff there is to do out here.
Ok, that's it for now, but there is a lot more to come.
I love you.
S
Now, there are a lot of new dads out there who are writing blogs about their shift into fatherhood. This blog is going to be different. This blog isn't going to be about all those crazy feelings of insecurity and apprehension about the world I'm bringing you into. This blog is going to be a repository for important and time-saving bits of information (like how you can get another helping of ice cream when you want it and such.)
Now, chances are you will be just able to ask me when you need help or are unsure about how to do something (just WAIT until we get to shoelaces...whoa!), but this will be a place that I can commit the most important things I know you will want to pore over a few times.
Just so we know who's who and what's what, this is YOU right now:
You are awfully small right now, but you are getting bigger by the day. Pretty soon, you'll be out and about and, before long, you will be able to read all about the best playground toys, which objects you should avoid eating, and how to deliver a devastating kotegaeshi .
But most importantly, I want this blog to be evidence for you that, since the moment I knew you existed, I have loved you and am incredibly excited to be your Dad. I can't wait to know you and laugh with you and show you all the cool stuff there is to do out here.
Ok, that's it for now, but there is a lot more to come.
I love you.
S
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