A word on my adorable appearance.

Your mom wants to show off how adorable I am. It would appear that you and I have successfully tricked her into thinking I am adorable. I will give you a high-five as soon as your hands are free! Now it's on to the next phase of the plan: Parenting.

This is going to be harder. It's hard to be "adorable" while parenting. Sure, it's easy at first: All I will be expected to do is change a poopy diaper and make funny faces from time to time and I will be golden. In fact, if I take you for a walk and do things to make you giggle, I will even be rocketed to "Great Daddy" status.

In a few years, though, that won't cut it. We can't expect for me to keep up my adorable appearances just by playing with you and making funny faces. We are going to have to work together on this one. I will have to make sure that I am taking you to various kinds of practice and helping with various kinds of homework. It would really help me out if you would be sure to teach me about soccer or basic math so I could look like I was doing a good job at these things...you know...for appearances. I know that you will be much better at these things than I am, so this won't be hard.

What we have to keep in mind is that this is a marathon rather than a sprint. It will be staying power that is going to really sell the adorable title. Later, you could pick one or two awful-but-benign boyfriends that I can chase away from the house in a show of adorable, middle-aged strength. It wouldn't hurt if you wanted to pretend to make some unpopular career choices so I can demonstrate my adorable capacity for understanding and wise guidance (like Obi-Wan Kenobi without a lightsaber). I will have trained you in the arts of Aikido and career-management by this time, so I know you won't be in any real danger, but your cooperation here would be really handy.

What's that? Why am I trying to keep the wool over your mother's eyes? You see...you are already so naturally capable and knowing that I wouldn't change a thing. I will be there to keep you from serious bumps and bruises along the way, but you already know everything you need to be a beautiful human being. I just have to make sure your Mom doesn't catch onto the fact that I'm not actually doing anything in the meantime or else she will make me wash the cutlery more often. As long as she thinks I have something to do with how wonderful you are, then I am in the "adorable" clear.

Alright. Let's do this. Synchronize your...Circadian rhythm...and I'll be there in a few weeks to catch you.

Love,

Dad.