Super Baby

This is why I already love you. You know today is a big day for me and this is what you send me:

I love you.

Dad.

A word on my adorable appearance.

Your mom wants to show off how adorable I am. It would appear that you and I have successfully tricked her into thinking I am adorable. I will give you a high-five as soon as your hands are free! Now it's on to the next phase of the plan: Parenting.

This is going to be harder. It's hard to be "adorable" while parenting. Sure, it's easy at first: All I will be expected to do is change a poopy diaper and make funny faces from time to time and I will be golden. In fact, if I take you for a walk and do things to make you giggle, I will even be rocketed to "Great Daddy" status.

In a few years, though, that won't cut it. We can't expect for me to keep up my adorable appearances just by playing with you and making funny faces. We are going to have to work together on this one. I will have to make sure that I am taking you to various kinds of practice and helping with various kinds of homework. It would really help me out if you would be sure to teach me about soccer or basic math so I could look like I was doing a good job at these things...you know...for appearances. I know that you will be much better at these things than I am, so this won't be hard.

What we have to keep in mind is that this is a marathon rather than a sprint. It will be staying power that is going to really sell the adorable title. Later, you could pick one or two awful-but-benign boyfriends that I can chase away from the house in a show of adorable, middle-aged strength. It wouldn't hurt if you wanted to pretend to make some unpopular career choices so I can demonstrate my adorable capacity for understanding and wise guidance (like Obi-Wan Kenobi without a lightsaber). I will have trained you in the arts of Aikido and career-management by this time, so I know you won't be in any real danger, but your cooperation here would be really handy.

What's that? Why am I trying to keep the wool over your mother's eyes? You see...you are already so naturally capable and knowing that I wouldn't change a thing. I will be there to keep you from serious bumps and bruises along the way, but you already know everything you need to be a beautiful human being. I just have to make sure your Mom doesn't catch onto the fact that I'm not actually doing anything in the meantime or else she will make me wash the cutlery more often. As long as she thinks I have something to do with how wonderful you are, then I am in the "adorable" clear.

Alright. Let's do this. Synchronize your...Circadian rhythm...and I'll be there in a few weeks to catch you.

Love,

Dad.

Lost in Translation

This morning, your Mom wrote a beautiful blog entry. It was a lovely expression of love in the moment. Here is an excerpt:

As I scoot back my big pregnant bum to be welcomed by daddy’s warm sleepy arm wrapping around me for our daily morning cuddles (loveliest and most cherished part of my day every day) and baby is hiccuping in my tummy, the little morning giggles bubble up inside and then bubble over. I just can’t believe how incredibly lucky I am.

I read this and was moved. Since the blog is bilingual, I decided to use my brower's Translate feature to see if the people in the Netherlands were getting the same message. This is what I found:

While my fat pregnant ass to slide back and be welcomed by a sleepy arm around me daddy who is beaten for our daily morning hugs (my favorite time of day, every day) and to the baby hiccups in my belly, deochtendgiechels bubble up from inside and then bubble them over. I can my luck.

And THIS is why we are definitely making sure you are bilingual. Can you IMAGINE the fun you can have with this?

Love you!

Dad.

"Dry" Run

Alright. Let's be honest. For the first several years of your life, you are going to be a poof-factory. You will also be wholly incapable of cleaning yourself, so it will fall to one of us* to clean you up.

Just to demonstrate how committed I am to your comfort, I have been practicing changing diapers. I have pictures in case you don't believe me. By the time you enjoy these, I am likely to be suntanned and all buff as I will be retired in Maui, but at this time I'm a bit fleshier and more hirsute.

Here are the materials:

1) Beanie-Baby baby substitute.
2) XSmall diaper from your distant "Auntie" Karen's New and Green Baby Company.

And that's how it's done. See? You are in good hands!


* Mostly your mother.

T-Minus One Month...

Well...the day is almost upon us. It has been a few weeks since I left you a message, so I will try to make it a good one. You are almost here, so I want you to know a bit about what you are putting your mother through right now. She can use it for guilt leverage when you want to go to that party in high school.

First of all: you are BIG. Shanna and I were fairly large babies. I am told that your Uncle Joep had an abnormally large head and had to be encouraged from Nana's womb with suction cups. Size matters in our family and it would appear, at this point, that you are no exception to this rule. What's more is that your mother is intending to bring you forth without a single drop of pain-killing medicine. However, after watching the baby-birthing video I saw this week, I think I'd like to order a batch for myself.

Second: you are WIGGLY. By all signs, it appears that you will be a night-owl (like me!) Around 9-10 PM each night, you start hiccuping and wiggling like mad. Either you are in dire need of a sobering coffee or you are going to be a wild one. If this is any indication of what you will be like on the outside, I solemnly swear to wake you up at 6 o'clock every Saturday morning of your teenage years.

Third: You cheer for CANADA. During the Olympics, while your mother and I were glued to the television, it was clear that you have a preference for the home team. When they sang O Canada you wiggled more; when Sidney scored the winning goal you were nearly born on the spot (though, to be fair, that might have been due to the commotion and carrying-on in the basement). You delighted in the pairs figure skating and, I think, might have had a crush on John Montgomery's rapier wit (stay away...he's a sledder AND an auctioneer!) Don't worry, since your birth year was Canada's coming-out party to the world, we will have lots of 2010 inukshuk stuff for you to play with and wear for years to come.

Fourth: I'm READY. Everyone is asking me if I'm "ready." Am I ready for the big change? The new arrival? The bundle of joy. Well I'll tell you and everyone...I'M READY. No, I haven't read as many books as your Mom. No, I haven't gone to any classes. No, I haven't ever changed a diaper. No, I haven't done this before. But in spite of all of that stuff, I just know. I know I am ready to meet you. I know I am ready to do things, say things, feel things, and be things that I am supposed to. I know.

And I want you to know it too. I'm ready to meet you and I can't wait.

See you soon.

Dad

Go World, Go Baby 2010!!

Your birth year is a special one for your birth country of Canada, baby. I am going to tell you more about Canada in a later entry, but this year is the second time that Canada has hosted the Olympic Winter Games. This is where the best athletes in the world all get together to see who is the best of the best. Time around because it's being held in Vancouver, where auntie Shanna lives.

It's extra fun for your Mommy and I, though, because she is from a different country than I am. We are having lots of fun cheering for our own countries for different events or, whenever possible, cheering against the United States of America because everybody likes to beat them in sports.

What's the most fun is how your Mommy and I understand all the sports differently from one another. Most of our conversations about the sports we watch really show how we are from different cultures. Below are some examples of how this works for us:

Hockey

Hockey is Canada's Sport. By the time you read this, you will likely know what I mean but Hockey is to Canada like sand is to your shorts: it gets into every part of you whether you want it to or not.

I never played hockey officially or anything, but if I wanted other kids to talk to me when I was younger, I had to learn to skate and shoot a puck. Your mother didn't have this experience growing up, so she is always surprised by how big it is here.

Me: Canada is going to measure its success at these games by whether or not we win gold in the Men's hockey.

Your Mom: That's ridiculous. I can't believe that it's even in the Olympics. It's a team sport...

Me: You're so Dutch.

Curling

This one is a stretch for your Mother. Whereas hockey can reasonably be defended as an athletic competition, curling is one of the only Olympic sports where alcohol could be considered a "performance-enhancing drug."

Your Mom: Look! (After seeing Kevin Martin's face on the screen) Old men can do it! It's not a sport!

Me: It's totally a sport! Do you know how hard it is to get those rocks down there?

Your Mom: It's just a lot of rubbing the ice to me.

Biathlon

Biathlon makes sense to me in principle, so I am surprised we disagreed on this one. It is the one winter sport that seems tied to the original spirit of the Olympics because it is actually a competition in some useful skills. Cross-country skiing and then accurately firing a weapon could have had some very practical uses in northern countries.

Your Mom: What the heck is this sport about?

Me: It's biathlon. You ski and shoot targets. It's really hard to shoot if you are huffing and puffing.

Your Mom: It looks so silly.

Me: Animals don't care what you look like when you are hunting them.

Speed Skating

This is a big one for your Mom. The Dutch didn't send a big team to these Olympics, but the ones they did send can skate.

Me: Why are you guys taking all of the speed skating medals?

Your Mom: Well...that's what we have...there are no mountains to ski on in the Netherlands. It literally means "Low Land."

Me: Are there lots of rinks to skate in?

Your Mom: No, but in the winter, if it gets cold enough, you can skate on the canals between eleven different towns.

Me: Wow. You guys are hard-core.

There are lots more sports that we watched, but these are the ones that gave us the most fun talking. You will be interested to know that you really like the I Believe song and lots of the music at the figure skating. You actually kicked when Sven Kramer (the speed skater in the picture above) won his record-setting gold medal for the Netherlands. And you really kick when Canada scores goals in hockey. You are the best parts of both of us.

Thanks for watching these games with us.

Hey Baby! Happy Valentine's Day!

I brought you a flower tonight. Your very own. It's for your first Valentine's Day. Your flower is a pink rose and it's your very first flower. I will bring you one every Valentine's Day. Only a few months until you can enjoy them!

:)