Where do you come from? Part I

This will be as much a time capsule for me as it will be for you. This is the first in a series where I try to show you all of the things that have come together to make you YOU. I guess you could say that everything I am writing in this blog will be about things that set the stage for you, but I want you to be able to look at this later and see what was going on in the world while you were in the oven*.

Since where you come from is mostly up to who your parents** are, I am going to tell you about where your parents are from. Since your parents aren't from the same place, I will tell you what I know about your Mommy's place first. That way, you and she can laugh at how little I know about this place and have some fun together.

Your Mom is from The Netherlands. This is what The Netherlands look like:



By the time you are able to read this, you will likely have been to The Netherlands as many times as I have in my life because I have never been there before and the first time I ever go there will be with you and your Mom to meet all of her family and friends. It will probably be fun for us to look back and see how little I knew about this place before you were born, so I thought I would share my "Top Ten Things I Know About The Netherlands Without Ever Having Been There!"

10) People call The Netherlands "Holland" most of the time. This isn't totally accurate since Holland is just one part of the whole country. This would be like calling all of Canada "Ontario."

9) People in The Netherlands officially speak Dutch. The Dutch word for "Dutch" is "Nederlands."

8) The Dutch people actively promote cultural stereotypes that are no longer really true of everyday life in The Netherlands. I think it's mostly a ploy to make a buck off foreigners who feel they need to stock up on wooden footwear and tulips when they visit the country.

7) Much to their chagrin (and despite their wooden-shoed efforts to distract us), the rest of the world consider The Netherlands the best place to legally get high. I don't know why this is the case since the biggest court in the world is just down the road in Den Haag.

6) The Dutch love Canadians. Why? Well, seventy years ago, a bad Austrian man's army took over The Netherlands and was mean to the people there. The Americans and the British tried to help the Dutch but couldn't do it at the time. After about a year of trying, the Canadian soldiers got rid of the remaining enemy soldiers and brought the Dutch people food and aid. Today, this translates at LEAST into one free beer for Canadian tourists in Eindhoven.

YOU, my dear, have the benefit of being BOTH Dutch and Canadian, so I'm sure you can get two free beers!

5) In case your mother, grandparents, and various "crazy" aunts and uncles are concerned that I am promoting the delinquency of a minor, Dutch governments are much looser than Canadian governments with regard to when you can drink. It looks like you could get that free beer as early as your sixteenth birthday in Amsterdam. It's a good thing, too, because you can't DRIVE there until you have gotten drinking outta your system by at least two years. Bottoms up!

4) Every country has a "Newfoundland." Newfoundland is the part of Canada that the rest of Canadians like to make fun of. For Germans, it's Bavaria. For Americans, it's Oklahoma and Arkansas. When I asked your mother which part of The Netherlands is the "Newfoundland," she said she wasn't sure. That means, of course, that HER PART of the Netherlands is the Newfoundland.

3) If you ever want something from your Mother or from Grandma Marjo, offer them some black-licorice medallions (called "Dropje" and pronounced "Drop-ya") from the Dutch Bakery. Dutch people are traditionally addicted to black-licorice. You will immediately receive whatever it is that you are asking for. Trust me.

2) In The Netherlands, it is customary to make traditionally round foods smaller than normal. Small ginger-snap cookies are thus made into delightful and bite-sized morsels called "pepernoten." Also, traditional pancakes are made into small, Loonie-sized sweetums called "poffertjes." In short, I can't wait to see what they do with Pizza!

1) And the single best thing I have learned so far about The Netherlands without having been there is that they made your Mom and she is awesome! She makes me lots of poffertjes and has an adorable accent that I never could place. She says she loves me because I am kind and loving, but I think it's because I'm Canadian. Oh well...off to drink some of my free beer!

I hope you had fun with this. There will be other entries in this series but I'll try to keep the boring history stuff to a minimum.

Love, Dad.


* (This is for when you are in university) The technical term for this is the Sociological Imagination.

** If you can understand this blog, then you are likely already aware of the nuts and bolts of HOW you were actually made. However, if you aren't TOTALLY sure, come talk to me and I will fill you in.